a feminist gets married.

well, it's happening, i am officially getting married. to a man. even though i love this man and i intend to spend the rest of my life with him, i never saw any reason to get married. why get married when EVERYONE can't get married? i'm having serious hetero-guilt. i'm also experiencing a wide range of conflicting emotions surrounding this whole thing. so why not publicly share these inner questions with the internet? here goes....

so, why get married?
we aren't religious, we don't have kids (though we do have two dogs and own a house together). some of our best friends in same-sex relationships CAN'T LEGALLY get married and that is effed up if you ask me. is it really the right thing to do? i honestly don't have an answer to this question. it's important to my partner that we get married. he really wants to marry me. for dog's sake, he proposed to me on our 3rd date or something. CREEPY! (okay, so it was a joke, but really, what guy "jokingly" proposes to a girl he just met?) i really could care either way. so i guess we'll just get married! there is also the small issue of being able to make decisions for one another dog forbid we have a medical crisis. yeah, that's a pretty big deal.

am i giving up my independence?
i am a prideful, stubborn woman. i don't want to be anyone's property, i don't want to have a different name. i fully understand a partnership is just that. a giving of oneself and a taking of another. we always give up a little independence when we endeavor to build a life with another person, but this is like, making it official, right?

what do we call our hypothetical future children?
hagrid? dumbledore? oh wait, i'm talking about last names! will they go through life resenting us for giving them hyphenated names? where they constantly have to correct people and say, "no, it's one word, 'doyle' isn't my middle name..." or will they have to one day change their last name to some sort of amalgamation of our last names? "dreyna", "royle"....ooh, i like "royle"....

do we get rings?
they're symbolic of faithfulness and loyalty, and eternal love. but don't they also tell the world, "i'm taken, i BELONG to someone else."? how do i make one tell the world, "i am an equal partner in a loving relationship"? get a lolli-pop ring? or perhaps the most obvious answer, a talking ring! admittedly, i kind of want a ring. there is a part of me deep down that does like the idea of this indulgence. and that likes the idea of visually saying that there is a person out there who has expressed the desire to spend the rest of their life with me (and i them). how romantic...of course, i certainly don't want a new ring nor do i want something very expensive. i want an old ring of a dead lady that lived a long and happy life. of course i'll never know her history (herstory), but that's what i would like.

do we have a wedding or get married in the courthouse?
i always thought i would opt to get married in the courthouse. but i want a celebration. i admit it. (so, actually, this is a second indulgence) this is a big deal for me. it took me a long time to agree to the idea of anyone getting married, let alone myself. therefore, i want to share it with the people who have shared our lives with us. it's all about the love, right? yes, but it's also all about a great big (well, smallish big) party with our closest friends and family and lots of food, beer, and dancing. so yes, we'll have a wedding.

do i wear white? NO. next question.

some of you may be reading this and thinking, "sheesh, girl, maybe you DON'T want to get married." but i do (haha), i'm just working through what it means for me. there is so much baggage, sexist history, exclusivity and odd symbolism in a marriage and in a "traditional" wedding. i want to be sure we take the time to re-work the meaning of marriage for us. screw the gender roles, screw fathers giving away daughters, screw renaming ourselves. this is the joining of two people for a life time of serious ups and downs, happy highs and sad lows. and even cleaning up an occasional poopy diaper. oh, you thought i meant baby diapers? i meant when we're old and actually pooping our pants again. there's a lot to think about beyond the "big day" and that is what i plan to do.

so where was i? ah yes, browsing etsy for those rings....

P is for PAP!

in the years after college when i couldn't afford health insurance, planned parenthood was the only place i could make an appointment to see a doctor free of charge or extremely low-cost. typically, the uninsured/low-income are relegated to first come, first served clinics where you may or may not be seen after waiting ALL DAY. i found myself at a clinic like this a few times over the years. if i had an entire day free of obligations, i would arrive before 8am, sign in, and announce my ailment to the person at the desk. because i was not homeless and under 21, because i DID have an income, because i was not in as much need as those around me, i found it hard to be seen and would typically be told to go home after waiting for 3-4 hours among coughing homeless youth. my aching wisdom teeth went untreated, my bronchitis went untreated, but my reproductive health was accessible and affordable.

planned parenthood afforded me the opportunity to have a medical professional check my vitals once a year and make sure i was in good total health. the doctors went beyond giving me my "annual exam" (yes, i'm talking about PAP smears) by checking in and making sure there wasn't anything larger that might need attention. i even had a doctor check out some conspicuous looking moles one time. planned parenthood is so much more than an "abortion clinic". it provides a safe space for scared young women (and men) to find out answers to questions. it provides birth control to PREVENT unplanned pregnancy, it provides a service that in this day in age is not available to the uninsured. so for those who would like to eliminate funding to planned parenthood, please think twice.

bachelorette bean salad.

no, i haven't ditched aaron for a hunky pool boy. though if i were going to leave him, a hunky pool boy would surely be worth it. tonight aaron is working late and instead of making one of my favorite dishes, stir-fried bok choy with mushrooms, i decided to leave that for a night when we can both enjoy it hot out of the pan.
when i don't have someone to cook with (or for), i revert to a sad, carnal state of dietary habits. bread and butter, butter and bread, chocolate, more bread and butter...that's how i would eat if left to my own devices. there is something to be said about the power of being held accountable. and tonight, i am accountable to no one. i suppose i could have just let the bread and butter fill my belly and call it good, but i am programmed to have "dinner" and dinner must contain a vegetable or two or at least involve an egg. i have no idea where this vague definition of "dinner" came from but there you have it.
having decided against a "proper meal" and not really having much in the way of ingredients for anything else, i initially thought to scramble a couple of eggs, the old stand by. i then realized i had a large can of artichoke hearts, vegan cream cheese and vegan mayo - all things i had purchased to make a hot artichoke dip that i never got around to making. my brain raced through the rationalization: is it possible? a delicous appetizer for dinner? i think there are some stale tortilla chips in the pantry...artichokes are vegetables. and it's vegan, that's gotta stand for something. is this okay?!
and then i snapped out of it. i would surely eat the entire thing myself, dipping into it anything in sight until all that was left to dip was a spoon, or worse, my finger. no, no, appetizers are NOT a dinner.
i looked once more in our pantry. a can of white beans, the giant can of artichoke hearts, some sun-dried tomatoes...a bean salad? yes!
i made a quick dressing from one part red wine vinegar to two parts olive oil, a dash of balsamic vinegar, some dried basil, salt and pepper. and for some greenery, i picked some parsley, mint and a green onion from the garden that had all managed to make it through the winter and emerge on the other side. somehow, the addition of these ultra fresh, though few, ingredients legitimizes this as a healthy, balanced meal, and therefore, is acceptable for dinner. i mixed all the ingredients together, threw in some great applewood smoked sea salt (found in the bulk section of new seasons market!) over the whole thing and my-oh-my!

so there you have it! or there i have it. and i did, and it was great.

chain of fools.

this weekend turned out to be quite productive here on the home front. the weather forecast was just vague enough to give us the confidence to begin some pretty major outdoor projects. saturday turned out to be sunny and warm(ish)so we had no excuse to put off creating our stone pathway.
aaron and i started our day by heading to the north portland tool library to pick up a hoe, rake and push broom. we nabbed a ladder while we were there so that we could finally clean the gutters, but more on that later. the portland tool library is a small but amazing part of the community. it's exactly what it sounds like: residents of north portland can check out tools (anything from a sweeping brush to a table saw) and then return them when they are finished. it allows everyone to complete the projects they want to complete without breaking the bank. it also encourages people of all income levels to take on projects themselves and improve their homes and their neighborhoods. we really, really love this place.
i have been watching a lot of online videos on laying pavers/flagstones (i'm still not sure exactly what they're called) over the past few weeks so i felt pretty confident of the steps we needed to take in getting these things laid down.

the first thing we did was lay out the stones in the design we wanted. this ended being a pointless first step as, despite our best efforts to document the position of each stone-from numbering them, taking pictures of them, drawing diagrams of them-it was impossible to recreate the design in the end.
so after we numbered the stones, we moved them out of the way and started digging. i found using the hoe was the best way to break up the soil and pull up the grass. after shoveling a few scoops of the loosened soil onto a tarp we laid out, aaron conveniently decided he would clean the gutters. i didn't mind too much as i was really enjoying this part of the process. i developed a steady, almost hypnotic rhythm and actually lost myself a little in it. however, the digging definitely took a long time and for a while i was convinced this would be a two weekend project rather than a two day project. we took a break for lunch (my sister had been over with her dogs so she went and got us sandwich fixin's) and to rest for about an hour. refueled and revived, i knocked out the rest of the digging with aaron's help.
we weren't as concerned with leveling the ground as perhaps we should have been but we did try our best to make it more level than it originally had been. once we shifted some soil from the high parts to the low parts, we dumped sand over the dug-out space and started spreading it out. i used a piece of wood to smooth out the surface and quickly got to work laying the stones. as i mentioned earlier, our numbering system failed miserably. after having spent almost consecutive 6 hours outside i was exhausted but determined. aaron retreated inside to do the dishes while i, having abandoned all hope for recreating our initial "design", just started piecing together the stones. i tried my best to level them out as i went but i was far from perfect. i finished up the day by dumping more sand over the stones and sweeping as much as i could into the gaps. i decided to quit for the day and let the dirt settle for a week or two and then tweak any uneven stones.
all in all, i think we did a decent job for a first time stone-laying. if i had to do it over again, and i pray to god i never do, i would take two days. day one would be digging, smoothing and leveling. day two would be laying the stones. determination can be a blessing and curse.

as i mentioned earlier, aaron took a break from the manual labor to clean the gutters. the back gutters were completely clear while the front gutters were filled with all sorts of things. we decided this might be a good time to put up some "rain chains", as we had been talking about this for a while. we went to the hardware store and purchased two lengths of chain for a little over $20. aaron removed the down spouts only to discover that when the house was painted, they neglected to paint behind the down spouts-more evidence that the previous home owners were fans of short cuts. the lack of paint has a streaky effect and kind of adds to the ambiance of the rain chains...right? right? we're stuck with it either way so we forged on and after a few different attempts, aaron figured out a way to rig the chains to the gutters while i figured out a way to anchor them. i filled a strawberry planter our old neighbor gave me with stones and that seemed to hold the chain in place. after lots of trial and error, we set up a "system" to direct the water away from the house in the event of a downpour. it looks a little ridiculous and we aren't certain it will work, but for now it's a solution.

deconstruction, reconstruction.

when aaron and i first came to look at what would become our new house almost a year ago, i didn't even notice the oddly placed two-tiered flagstone patio in the north-east corner of the backyard. when we came for a second visit, i stared at it for a few moments and could only think, "why?". on the advice of a friend and recent home owner, i didn't immediately rip out the patio. he said that the previous home owners had a reason for putting it there and that reason might become clear as we settled into our new home.
the reason never became clear. to be fair, i should point out that within weeks of moving into the house, we did find one magnificent use for lower flagstone patio-a fire pit! in the middle of our house warming party, i moved some central stones, dug through the black plastic and dirt and voila! insta-fire pit.
the upper level of the patio remained useless. it interfered with hunty's daily game of fetch, constantly tripped up myself, aaron and usually chomp and it just took up valuable, sunny gardening real estate.
once the rains hit, the entrance to the back yard became a mud puddle. i found myself relocating some of the larger flagstones to cover the mud in hopes that it would cut down on the mud tracked into the house by the dogs. the temporary stepping stones did make things a little more dry walking into the yard on those cold night time potty-times (for the dogs, not us) so i decided that i would make this a permanent fixture.
thanks to the previous home owner, we have a large supply of flagstone pavers readily available and by salvaging the sand beneath, i hope to be able to create a functional and attractive garden pathway for free.
so, with the ground still wet and pliable and the weather cooperating (at least part of the time) i have begun the process of deconstructing the patio and constructing a pathway.
today, the sun was shining and the temperature was just right for some back breaking yard work. when i got home from my day of dog walking, i got straight to moving the stones. i made quick work of this just piling them up as i went along.
next i had the tedious task of removing the weeds and other growth from the sand. with a simple rake and my hands i tried to remove as many weeds and roots as i could. i certainly disturbed some very unhappy worms but they'll find better living quarters. once the bulk of the growth was removed i grabbed my wheel barrow and started shoveling sand into it. i barely got one quarter of the way through the rectangle of sand when i had filled the wheel barrow to the point where i couldn't move it. oops.
i decided this would be a good stopping point and left the wheel barrow for aaron.
tomorrow i'll start the process of marking where the path will be and possibly laying out a preliminary configuration of the stones.

curried and candied.

now that i have finished watching the complete series of "My So Called Life" and painfully reliving the emotions of my 14 year old self, it's time i turn my attention to more productive things. food! this winter has left me very unmotivated to do anything of consequence both in and outside of the house. short days and long, wet dog walks are not exactly what i call inspiring. needless to say, i have spent a lot of time catching up on nostalgic t.v. and not so much time sewing, knitting or really cooking.
while the sun has not exactly made much of a show here in portland, the days are longer and there are some sun breaks amidst the rain. i've made some headway in the garden and am starting to see some real possibilities for a few more raised beds and a functioning stone walkway into the backyard. i even have plans to deal with a defunct section of fencing that will be both attractive and functional.
that is all for another day, however. today, with angela chase and jordan catalano finally put to rest, i decided to dive into a real meal for aaron and myself. tonight's main event is one that has become a staple in our home. though i discovered this recipe through "Bon Appetit's" Food Lover's Cleanse, Curried Black-Eyed Peas actually comes from "Anjum's New Indian" by Anjum Anand. It is fairly straight forward, totally nutritious, vegan, filling and just bursting with flavor. i have been trying to use more dried beans as they are cheaper, i can use only what i need, and i'm not left with a tin can that has to be recycled. Black-eyed peas only take about 30 minutes of simmering to take them from their dried form to a ready-to-eat cooked form. Simply delightful.
To accompany this dish, I adapted Madhur Jaffrey's Salmon in a Bengali Mustard Sauce recipe replacing the salmon with a wallet friendly tofu. when i first tried this dish, i made it with the salmon and it blew my mind. when a vegetarian friend came over for dinner one night, i made tofu instead and it was surprisingly delicious. as usual these two dishes complimented each other and, as usual, there is not one scrap of food leftover.

the real treat tonight was in finding time to do something i had always wanted to try. candied lemon slices! i don't have any big plans for using these as a garnish but i had some lemons left over from a recipe and thought this would be a great way to use them up. i did some internet searching and discovered this is actually quite simple and doesn't require a whole lot of work. i pulled this final concoction from several different sources so here's how i ended up making this little treat:

Candied Lemon Slices


2 lemons sliced thinly (about 1/8th inch)
2 cups water
2 cups sugar


after slicing the lemons, remove any seeds. bring a medium sauce pan filled about 1/2-3/4 water to a boil. prepare a bowl with iced water while waiting for the water to boil. when the water reaches a boil, remove from heat and place your lemon slices into the water. stirring occasionally, leave them in the water for 1-2 minutes. drain the lemon slices and then plunge into the prepared iced water bath. leave in for another minute. fill a large skillet with the water and sugar and bring to a boil, stirring to dissolve the sugar. when this mixture comes to a boil, reduce heat to medium low and carefully add the lemon slices. allow the lemons to simmer (not boil) for about 1 hour.

at the end of the hour, remove the slices to a cooling rack and/or parchment paper to dry. drying could take 24 hours. the internet authorities claim the lemons remain tacky though i'm not sure there will be any left for me to give a first hand account...

i dipped the not-yet-dried slices into some lavender sugar (throw some sugar in jar with some dried lavender flowers and wait a month or so (mine has been sitting for years!) until it all smells/tastes like lavender sugar). we'll see how they turn out!

UPDATE!

due to popular demand, well, actually because of lydia's comment below asking how they turned out, i will reveal how these sweet treats turned out! i left the lemons to sit on a cooling rack for about 2 days and they firmed up a bit but remained slightly tacky. i placed them in a glass container and have been storing them in the fridge. there's no issues with them sticking together and so far the taste seems to be getting better! this is something i certainly will make over and over as they satiate my insatiable sweet tooth and they're probably healthy. probably.

limes and grapefruits next?


i also strained the lemony simple syrup for some future use. i'm thinking summertime cocktails?