well, it's happening, i am officially getting married. to a man. even though i love this man and i intend to spend the rest of my life with him, i never saw any reason to get married. why get married when EVERYONE can't get married? i'm having serious hetero-guilt. i'm also experiencing a wide range of conflicting emotions surrounding this whole thing. so why not publicly share these inner questions with the internet? here goes....
so, why get married?
we aren't religious, we don't have kids (though we do have two dogs and own a house together). some of our best friends in same-sex relationships CAN'T LEGALLY get married and that is effed up if you ask me. is it really the right thing to do? i honestly don't have an answer to this question. it's important to my partner that we get married. he really wants to marry me. for dog's sake, he proposed to me on our 3rd date or something. CREEPY! (okay, so it was a joke, but really, what guy "jokingly" proposes to a girl he just met?) i really could care either way. so i guess we'll just get married! there is also the small issue of being able to make decisions for one another dog forbid we have a medical crisis. yeah, that's a pretty big deal.
am i giving up my independence?
i am a prideful, stubborn woman. i don't want to be anyone's property, i don't want to have a different name. i fully understand a partnership is just that. a giving of oneself and a taking of another. we always give up a little independence when we endeavor to build a life with another person, but this is like, making it official, right?
what do we call our hypothetical future children?
hagrid? dumbledore? oh wait, i'm talking about last names! will they go through life resenting us for giving them hyphenated names? where they constantly have to correct people and say, "no, it's one word, 'doyle' isn't my middle name..." or will they have to one day change their last name to some sort of amalgamation of our last names? "dreyna", "royle"....ooh, i like "royle"....
do we get rings?
they're symbolic of faithfulness and loyalty, and eternal love. but don't they also tell the world, "i'm taken, i BELONG to someone else."? how do i make one tell the world, "i am an equal partner in a loving relationship"? get a lolli-pop ring? or perhaps the most obvious answer, a talking ring! admittedly, i kind of want a ring. there is a part of me deep down that does like the idea of this indulgence. and that likes the idea of visually saying that there is a person out there who has expressed the desire to spend the rest of their life with me (and i them). how romantic...of course, i certainly don't want a new ring nor do i want something very expensive. i want an old ring of a dead lady that lived a long and happy life. of course i'll never know her history (herstory), but that's what i would like.
do we have a wedding or get married in the courthouse?
i always thought i would opt to get married in the courthouse. but i want a celebration. i admit it. (so, actually, this is a second indulgence) this is a big deal for me. it took me a long time to agree to the idea of anyone getting married, let alone myself. therefore, i want to share it with the people who have shared our lives with us. it's all about the love, right? yes, but it's also all about a great big (well, smallish big) party with our closest friends and family and lots of food, beer, and dancing. so yes, we'll have a wedding.
do i wear white? NO. next question.
some of you may be reading this and thinking, "sheesh, girl, maybe you DON'T want to get married." but i do (haha), i'm just working through what it means for me. there is so much baggage, sexist history, exclusivity and odd symbolism in a marriage and in a "traditional" wedding. i want to be sure we take the time to re-work the meaning of marriage for us. screw the gender roles, screw fathers giving away daughters, screw renaming ourselves. this is the joining of two people for a life time of serious ups and downs, happy highs and sad lows. and even cleaning up an occasional poopy diaper. oh, you thought i meant baby diapers? i meant when we're old and actually pooping our pants again. there's a lot to think about beyond the "big day" and that is what i plan to do.
so where was i? ah yes, browsing etsy for those rings....
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